Actually, I take back a little of that last post. In the context of relationships that have lasted years, I can see chastity play as a form of power exchange, and focus and a balance of sexual energies. And of course there is chastity in the mental sense when people go celibate. The focus on…
I think you’re onto something, and I may have a similar thought on this; from looking at the younger guys’ bondage fantasies, they want to be enslaved, permanently, and some love the idea of being locked in a cage for hours, or having their cock locked up permanently. They wanna do chores, and oops they disobeyed their Sir, now they deserve “punishment”- which is a farce, since they get off on being punished.
Basically, it sounds like they just want a “sugar daddy dom,” and don’t want to support themselves. I can totally see why you see it this way, having had to support your significant other. It sucks and basically one person is being used. I don’t find dependency hot either.
I think the abundance of “porn-talk” comes from conformity. Everyone is trying to boost their blogs on this site, and seeing what the popular kids do, they copy it as well to generate notes and gain followers. The more extreme, the more hits it generates, it seems. Hell, I’ve seen posts about violent castration fantasies with thousands of likes and reblogs. One of my posts involving a guy with duct-tape mummified limbs was reblogged by a guy who said “Time to saw them off!”
Seriously, this site is fucking nuts.
But in the end, you’re right. It’s selfishness at the core of these fantasies. Although the selfish people outnumber the selfless (as always), the people who want to play bondage games with you, and not just be used by you, do exist. I had one punky-masochist guy from Michigan tell me “and sometime I wanna tie you up too, since it’s not fair that you do all the work and give me so many boners.” You have to find these folks; and mostly that’s just through sheer luck.
Thank you. There is *always* something I can’t properly close out on any of my arguments and rants. I’m glad I can count on someone to finish fleshing out my ideas.
It’s not just on Tumblr though, that’s just it. I see it on Recon, Craigslist, Grindr….there’s a bunch of little 20/21/22 year old guys that have these profiles and advertisements, and they flat out say “I’m a dom looking for a full time slave to service me and my needs.”
Please, 22 year old experienced Dom, tell me what your needs are.
I’ve messaged one or two of them and talked to them, and it’s fucking hilarious. They have little to no experience. They’re lacking gear and a stable play place. They are literally looking for some younger guy to keep at home, to give them on-demand blowjobs and present the ass whenever they feel the urge to fuck something. I question the legitimacy of their kinks and fetishes, because it looks like some people see the BDSM world as “responsibility-free” sex. That if they just walk, talk, and act like a rough asshole, little bottom boys will roll over and stick their asses in the air.
And on the flipside, I keep chatting with all these fresh out of the closet twinkles who want to throw their lives down the drain and just be a 24/7 live in slaveboi.
It fucking tweaks my nerves. And then the icing on the cake is the extremeism. Everyone is so cockhungry for likes and follows on this website, that all of them jump on the bandwagon for porn!
Much like Reddit has it’s cycle of meme popularity, the second someone hot makes a post on here, suddenly it’s the new flavor of the month.
For the longest time, I saw nothing, and I mean almost NOTHING but a fuckwad of feet/foot blog posts. And then took over chastity. Oh my fuck nothing but chastity. And with chastity comes all of the psychological implications, the theory behind it, the “shitty master rhetoric”, as you so put it. And all of the tops go “Oh, I can fuck something without reciprocation because it wants to be fucked if I slap a lock on it? GENIUS!” And all of the bottoms go “I can be desirable if I’m a good boy and lock my dick up? GENIUS!” Gag me with a wooden spoon. And now I’m seeing an absurdly high rise of sock worship/sock fetish posts. I’m going to attribute this trend to that couple from GA who suddenly appeared on the radar a month or so ago. I mean, they’re both smoking hot, and the pictures they post of their antics make me sit on the fence between “That’s hot” and “I’m so fucking jealous I want to murder a kitten”. (Miss Cleo’s prediction: lots of sock posts over the next few weeks) So I can see the desire for mimicry.
I think the ultimate problem I have is that I have been with people who have not been able to seperate fetish from the real world. They have a hard time splitting “porn talk” from “real talk”, and it’s a little scary at times. Some of the first people I played with were very adamant on how things were to be done. It was their way, it was their plan, it was their game, it was their orgasm, and it had to happen that way, end of story. And the conversations with them, once we met, were non-stop kink and S&M. Didn’t matter that we were in the store. Didn’t matter that we were out to dinner. It was this “LOUD AND PROUD” lets talk about forcing people to wear e-stim 24/7 and walking around the mall and zapping them just because it’s fun and going home and wearing your gear 24/7, and during play scenes having absolutely zero safe-words and no outs because that makes the top sad and ruins THEIR time if their bottom pushes back.
To see attitudes like that spread and prevail disgust and horrify me, and the more and more I see it creep onto pictures, the more and more concerned I become.
And my greatest concern is for those who are just coming out of the closet and getting into kink. Tumblr is the first mainstream place where stuff like this is open and accessible. This isn’t a specialized, private, hidden pay-for-access website. Anyone can stroll in on here! And when you have these young boys, or even older men, who are coming out into the kink world, what kind of impression are we giving them? I worry that someone who isn’t into certain things is going to think that in order to be worthy of playing with someone, they have to like certain things; that they have to do certain stuff. And that’s not true. That’s 100% nowhere near true. And I put myself through that. I worry because I did the exact same things. I made myself do things that I didn’t want to do, just because I was so worried that the other person wouldn’t ever want to play with me again or would think lesser of me…and that’s not right. It doesn’t matter whether or not my limits were pushed and I could take it. That’s not the fucking point. The point is that I subjected myself to things that I did not like and did not want just because I was desperate for some kind of action that I figured anything and everything was better than nothing. And that’s no true. That is so far from true.
So when I see these posts saying that “worthless faggots” should be cock-locked and cleaning master’s dick, it makes me shudder, because people are not worthless faggots. I get dirty talk, and I get a comment here or there on picture, but then there are these blogs that have a paragraph comment under EVERY. SINGLE. IMAGE. And then they have these long articles on “training your fag-slave to serve you”, and it sends chills up my spine, because it worries me that these are the people that have issues separating kink from reality. That these people have very blurred lines on acceptability, and I worry about what happens when a younger kid, or inexperienced person in general, interacts with someone like this off the internet?
I worry because it happened to me. I worry because I’ve been there, and it was unpleasant, and it violently shook my faith in the kink and fetish world and sent me reeling back into the closet from time to time.
Maybe I’m just the problem, but I’m beyond the point of caring. I know what I want, I know what I like, I know how I want it, and I’ve stopped taking bullshit from others. And I’m not talking about life from the bottom either. I’ve been holding back secrets lately from Tumblr (I fisted someone, I played top several times over the last few months for people…). I can top too, you know. But because I’m not a verbal, aggressive, violent, brutal, “TAKE IT LIKE A FAGGOT, SLUT” kind of top, I devalue and shame myself, and I don’t really talk about it.
But I’ve realized, you know, there is absolutely nothing wrong with putting a guy in a hogtie, strapping a vibrator to his dick, and fingering him while you lay there and watch TV and whisper in his ears about how it’s too early for him to cum, while pushing him there. Is it aggressive? Nope. Is it brutal? Am I being a hardcore dom? That’s too much work. But is it hot? I’d think so. Does the other guy like it? The erection speaks for itself. Do I enjoy myself? Fuck yes I do.
I’m just getting very, very upset by the sudden shift in (Tumblr’s) community values on what is and isn’t important in regards to kink and bondage, because it’s turning into this circlejerk hivemind that’s really abrasive.
It’s like sandpaper to my cockhead, and I’m about to start slapping the shit out of some bitches if they keep it up.
I started up a blog because I was tired of the crazy-extreme bondage fantasists out there making the community look bad. The mainstream culture views us as a bunch of whip-wielding psychopaths one step below that of a serial killer. I’m not that kind of kinkster. I have a fucking romantic streak that manifests itself when I got a guy tied to the bedposts and moaning my name, dammit.
Also because I liked your style of blogging- you were a serious kinkster who’s done things in the real world, and your blog has a very human element to it. You’re not a pornbot. There’s a mind behind the kinky goodness. And that’s what I want to bring to this site.
I worry too that somebody fresh out of the closet is going to be terrified of our community, and therefore we lose another potential kinkster, due to the extremity of this site and others. Even my play partner, who’s been hooking up with guys for about 2 decades now and seen some shit, is really put off by people’s extremely violent and abusive fantasies here.
Actually one fellow wanted him to kidnap and keep him locked away. Permanently. The wannabe-victim guy was on drugs, I believe.
And you know what? I consider myself a Dominant. I doubt anybody takes me seriously; most guys don’t even reblog pics with my kinda-goofy captions. But you know what? Fuck those guys. I have private messages from outwardly vanilla guys who’ve asked me about my kink experiences and when and where they can get involved. You’d be surprised at how many guys want their boyfriend to tie them up and gag them and then toy with their bodies while they helplessly squirm…… How many of these “Gag the Fag” type blogs can honestly say they’ve done their part to recruit people into the community????? Fuck ‘em.
Dammit, now I’m feeling angry too. Angry and frustrated by how fucked things get on this site.
I just want to ask you not to quit this community. You and I are needed desperately. I know it sounds like I’m just feeding my galaxy-spanning ego with that sentence, but I’m serious. Bondage blogs need a more human face; otherwise our community is never gonna grow and the young fresh-from-the-closet guys who are into this stuff are either gonna run away in terror or worse. You inspired me to come to Tumblr; I wonder how many others we’ve inspired to start up porny blogs as well? Meditate on that. It gives me a kind of spiritual strength knowing that I’ve brought happiness (and hornyness) to another. I hope this helps.
Hello Nate and, bless your heart even though I don’t know your name, LeatherBondageLove. It’s time for me to share my, very similar, opinion! This may not be a gif but this is a very important topic. Under a read more though since it may be long! (Just finished writing. I could write about SO much more but we’ll save that for another time!)